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Welcome

My name is Siobhán Sarelle. I am a 47 year old Queer Trans person (she/her) living in the UK.

I’m a musician. Music is an integral part of who I am. I play many instruments including percussion, guitar, bass, and keyboards but my primary instrument these days is the mandolin. I produce and perform my music under the name Fire Healer.

I have lived experience with trauma based mental health struggles as well as having been through several years of therapy, including some fairly rare, intensive group therapy.

Safe spaces are most important to me. I believe safe spaces are people, not places. I highly value healthy, authentic relationships (of any kind) featuring good boundaries, consent, assertive communication, and more.

Featured posts
  • The Doors Of Object Constancy

    The scenario is that you are with a friend, or maybe a Partner, someone you love let’s say. You’re in their home, and you’ve been enjoying each other’s company, but it’s time for you to leave. You both go to the front door, or whatever the exit is to their home, and you say goodbye […]

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  • Zip Theory

    I don’t know where this came from originally but I was taught it during a session in my Therapeutic Community. The therapist who showed it to the group called it “Zip Theory”. Please have a look at the graphic below. I find the above useful as a means of understanding boundaries. Imagine you have 3 […]

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  • Relational Needs

    One of the most interesting and useful ideas that I took away with me from my time in therapy, was something called “Relational Needs”. There are perhaps many different ways of describing what each of us needs. There are some needs that may be specific to individuals, but the idea here is, that in terms […]

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  • Making Connections

    I think there are many different kinds of connection. The connections I am interested in most, are those between people. For me, a ‘real’ connection with people, means feelings-to-feelings. It’s all about emotional connection. I do not need the same level of emotional connection with everyone. It depends on the relationship, or the relationship I’d […]

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  • Thoughts On Object Constancy

    My understanding is that Object Constancy is about how we ‘hold’ our emotions, feelings and thoughts about our relationships with others, when they are not with us. The theory is related to Object Permanence, which is something most of us learn in the first months of our lives. When we are born, if someone holds […]

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  • Being Transgender: Self Expression

    For me, being trans, means feeling even less able to use my voice. It’s an awful place to be in. I can, and do, write a lot, but actually I prefer to talk with people, but unless I feel safe enough, which is sadly rare I think, it can be painful just to speak. At […]

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  • A Dream: A New Code

    I just woke from a dream. It was, as dreams often are, familiar but also unfamiliar. A strange land, reminiscent of somewhere in the Middle East, ancient but also something modern about it. Golden coloured, not grey. My head invented theme music to go along with it. At first I felt only like I was […]

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  • The Bottom Line

    My understanding of my Bottom Line is that it’s the way I feel about myself by default, my Bottom Line consists of my basic feelings of self worth. These feelings about how I value myself, normally reside in my subconscious, they were probably formed mainly out of early experience either before I had language or enough language to be able to think about them.

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